speechless..

I HOPE U WILL READ THIS..

i hate being ignore by u..

i duno wat happened to u..

day by day...
im getting more hurt..

sometimes when u r in good condition u treat me like a baby...

sometimes u hate me..

now it's getting worst..
tomorrow is ur bday i tot we will celebrate it together but ....
u said...
'u r not invited to my bday party'
his 21st bday will be celebrate in a big ceremony..
fun right?
but i'm not invited...(-.-')

last nite he sleep beside me..
but no touch...no kiss...
he ignored me..
he dont want me to hug him..
or else he will say 'nanti gf sy marah'

damn...

what's on ur mind?

maybe it's my fault cause i don't leave him..

i'm sad but i can't cry anymore..
i duno why..
i can't put a tears..
it's just anger fulfilled me..

GOD..show me the way..
i need to leave as he want it..
but i can;t do it..

why me?
i begin to become crazy..moron..

hate myself so much....
i'm hurt n tired of all the lie..

i want to go...
far far away..
but my feet so hard to mve on...
my heart so hard to apart..

my mind hecked...
& i exhausted...
blur to think i would cry so loud tonight n tomorrow...

i just remembered last year he had a fun with her gf
celebrating his bday..
but me n him..
is two ppl...
no celebration..
full of hurt n hateness..

i rather he keep on dating his ex..
i wish so...
coz that make him more happier than recently...

HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR WHY
I LOVE U SO BADLY AT THIS MOMENT....

miss............

a word that kept surrounding my mind..

last few nite my babe called me n we bao zuk as usual...
i try to laugh but it also a pain..
cos i do miss her so much..
talk doesn't fulfill for me..

I MISS MY PAST TIME...!! BADLY!!
i miss her n all my buddy..
my working life is not so enjoy as studying..
really....
studying much better..

facts about her....jerianne bannie kulai elip....
1.when im sad she will be thr for me..
2.try to cheer me up..
3.landing(sleepin) beside her make me feel glad to have her as my bestie..
4.she is my SUPERWOMAN...
5.don't care about money...just care about relation..
6.kind to me n my family..
7.can discuss anything wit her..small or big..in or out...
8.the one who always help me..
9.marah me if i don't care about my life..
10.marah the one who marah me..
11.my bestest companion..
12.listening...to all my probs..
13.sanggup angkut me evrywhr as well im happy..
14.she do everything for my hapiness...
15.always call n text me even near or far..
16.share things wit me...i kept the jacket she wore in my car...so its like her sit beside me when i drive alone..
17.she don't care who u r...poor or rich..she can be fren wit everyone..not choosy...
18.i miss her bump2 so much....haisss...need to hit the buntot of jerianne bannie kulai elip rite now...goshhhh....

haha..

18 things about her..actually it is more than words i can say..

18 means...
she will turn 18 this nov 28....
haha

thinking wat i should get for her..

beb..miss u...

HELP WANTED!!!!

HIS 21ST BIRTHDAY IS AROUND THE CORNER..
i'm so blur to choose a birthday present for him..

sooooo...

i need help from all bloggers to gif me some ideas to buy what present..

1.he already had a sport car n was 'updated'
2.he had watch...so expensive one...bt duno which gf gave him..
3.he had many branded clothing...
4.he just had a piece of jeans..
5.he had nike n converse shoes..ori one..

then wat else i should buy???

i'm so blur..help me..

he gave me more than i ever wanted..
expensive i-phone..
branded clothing..
car to used..
expensive bag..
gold n jewelleries..
branded stilletoes..

but i never gif him anything except hurt..
i'm so pity wit him..
i dun deserve him..
i want to put him as "FOR SALE"
but i still love him...
he gave me everything i wanted n never no..

i remember a day after me n him get together..
he brought me to have fun in kk..
lyk to celeb our together2 day la kunun..
haha
dat day im so not in mood..
all the way i'm getting so upset..
n i let him talk alone...
haha n i'm sleeping on her arm eventhough he was driving...
jahat me..
but really im still angry for wat he had done to me..
n everyday he tried to 'mengurat' me again..
but still my result is
UNSATISFIED!!!
xtually its me bringing him to kk but im the one who bad mood..
that night he went for clubbing..
because im still not in mood i rather sleep in the house than go club..
i waited him to come back because i really want to pumping that nite..
but i don't tell him i waited for him..
coz me myself cant reached his phone..
that make my mood more crazier..
i waited for him until 4a.m..
n i called him..
a woman answered n say 'jangan..jangan..eh ehe'
when i remembered dat freak ladies voices..i get mad..
after dat he sms me..he don't come home he acc his fren..chu lin..
i called again n said'ko blik skg!'then he shut the phone..
i really tot dat he was cheating on me...

i cried all night n slept at 6a.m..
at 9a.m i felt kissing on my face..from forehead to mouth..
n he hugged me tight..when i opened my eyes..
i saw him..
i neglect him n asking him to leave me..
he explained to me wat happened that nite..
he really drunk n chu lin's gf took his hp..
thr's no gurl in his house..
he reached his fren house at 6..
he knew i will mad at him so he force himself to wake at 9..

I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING FROM HIM..
HE FED-UP N SLEPT BESIDE ME..
i'm so angry with him..
but then my exercising mood came back..
i knew he tired but idc..
i still want him to pumping..
haha budu..
it's hard to awake bird if he drunk..
but i'm forcing..
after tired we both get back to sleep..
he want me to hug him sleep..
as usual if i didnt he will merajuk lyk a baby..

but when he snooring..
I LEFT HIM ALONE..
hiakkk hiaakk me too an evil..
i go brkfast wit aling n my 2nd momy..
haha
then went for shopping..
i texting him but he dont ignored me..
so i'm geting so sad again..
then..
when i reached home..
he still went for outing wit his fren..
but i still tot that is a gurl..
im started my emo feel..
i just want to go home..

when he arrived..he try to make me happy..
he said he went searching for a bulldog..
coz i want it..
but he cant do it as it needed to order..
he try so hard..
but still im zero emotion on him.
he get angry n said "hui jia la..sou yi fu.."

on the way to leave kk..
im started crying again..
he also upset n release his feeling to me..
then..near to melinsung i said i want to go thr..
he said 'my car so lowered..it difficult to pass'
but then i screamed 'i want'...
he took his hp n called to evryone to stop thr..

i love beach when im emo..coz the wind can blow my sadness..

i want to be alone but he keep following me..
then he said 'ko mau lepas perasaan ko ni kan..pcaya leh sy x curang..sy x mcm ko'......=.=...

then he laugh..he hold me..
then after dat ya im feeling good n in mood..
why so fast??? =.=
ya my mood always change..
i become happy again..
althought a bit sour in my heart.
then he gave me superb power amazing pumping..
nice..
wakakakakaa

i saw he trying so hard to cheer me up..
but i'm always let him down..
im trying to appreciate now but
IT"S TOO LATE TO APPOLOGISE<.>...

LUCKILY I'm still alive...

when he asked me " how can u passed ur driving license? "
i answered " i'm champion mah...tula i passsed it"
then he argue my answered 'u having a kopi-o license..u count how many times u crush my car..u got a dream to drive my fairlady...yes u can but after a few month training...'
i showed up my upset face to him n my heart burnt up with a word...
" TAMAHA "
hahah...that's my story before..
n now after sometimes i tot dat i drive more carefully..
but the true is it's just soso..
i think it happened because of mu clumsiness..haisss..

y'day...i drove to work as usual..
when i reached the round-about i can't resist the ppl who keep on crossing w/out gif me a chance to cross away..
so i just bravely to over take the way..even there are cars approaching me..haha
n suddenly...
a woman that noob also in driving..in a speed try to cross my way.
vreeeett..
my heart pumping faster..
but we haven't crash yet..
it's just so near n we will crash..
i push my break n so do her..
than i cont my way w/out seeing her..
then...

in the evening...
he gave me to drive a honda..
haha
with turbo engine..
haha
but it's hard for me to drive cos im too short..
haiihh..

thanks to him for treat me nicely..
even that we r in the process of separating...
thanks my love..
let me sing a song..
my love..
there's only thing in my heart..
nenenenennenene...

p/s: dun drunk n drive..
n dun bravely drive..
see yaa..=)

LeT iT bE & LeT iT gO..

speechless..

unsatisfy..

numb..

blurr..

sad..

lonely..

it's the feeling for those who broken-hearted..

BUT..

Is there anyone who?

happy..

feel free..

when they broke-up with somebody..

for my opinion...
just release ur feeling...
whatever happen just let it be..
and u'll relised someday u can let it go..
don't force/control some situation coz it will hurt u deeply..

cry n let it out..
so u will more relieve & cool..
keep it..
n u the one will bleed..


p/s: here not attn/attach to anybody...this is just an opinion..

heCtiC day!!! fuhhyoo

after work...n reached home...i saw my messy room n my shoes,stilletoes...
wahhh yaa..
damn messy oh...i decided to clean my room after i went out for dinner wit my lovely family..here some pic..xtually only one..huhu

arrived home around 9pm, i felt so lazy to clean up my messy room..by then when i saw my momy make up tools..i;m heating up to create something pretty..haha
i want to make up my lil sis n we do some photoshoot..haha

DIRECTOR: CHI2
MAKE-UP ARTIST: CHI2
PHOTOGRAPHER: CHI2'S MOMMY
MODEL: FIFFY & CHI2

FUN FUN FUN DAY..YEHAAAA

but finally i arranged my stilletoes juga..coz really messy ordy..haiiya...tired o..gtg n slep 1st..muahhh


p/s: clean is much more better n felt so comfy..haha..wink'

ConFrOnT.T..

Honest to have a happy life or lie to make a sad to happy situation?

hard to detect someone feeling ya...
either they like it or not...
we just can predict but we still not confirm it..

when a time u have the chance to talk n be honest..let it be...forget bout the impact..

u will feel much more better after dat..

i lost everything when i don't realise it..
i tot when he try to take me back n separate louis from me..
i really tought that his love towards me as big as ocean...as tall as mountain..
but all i knew now that it is wrong..
deep in his heart there are no more me..
im so dissapointed..
but ya..
it is because of me..my fault for being so cruel..so nasty...so naughty..
and now i deserved this kind of life..
i lived with a man that only pity on me..and live a life w/out love..
am i happy?
ya..i do so...on my physical..
in my mentality...it is hurt...

what else i can do?
as im happy with him..
and i still love him..
i am the mistress...
but i should accept it..
maybe time will cure everything..

sayang..u ask me to stay until i can't stand it anymore...u r not bad..u r good..ya everyone blamed on u...but the truth is my fault...i will stand until the time end...
maybe sooner or later i will leave..to give u a space to live w/out my control...to let u have a new love..just be patient and wait...we will separate..i made my mind to put an expired date for our relation..so that u will be more happier...

now...he don't even have mood to hold my hand..to bring me for outing..to hug me..to kiss me...to sleep beside me..to cheer me up when im crying..all he can do is smile to me..make me feel comfort n warm..n protected..but true...i can't feel any love again...all he said was true..he can't force himself any longer...but i knew he try even that is too hard for him...all that he want is a lil freedom n care..he need a space to breath...but now he gave me a chance to not too depending on him..so that when he with another girl i won't get hurt..

it's already too much for u to help me..
it's already too many u care me..
it's already too long for us together..
it's already a lot of love u gave me..
but me never give u more than a word as u needed..
I DO LOVE U..
I DO WANT BE WITH U UNTIL THE END OF TIME..
I DO TO BE UR WIFEY,GF,FREN & LOVER..

but u should have a better life w/out me..
i dun deserve u since we known each other...
4 years meant a lot to me..but hurt a lot to u..
i knew that so i decided an alternative way in our relation..

sayang..wait ahh..u will be happy soon...=()..T.T